Baptist Minister Found Dead In Scuba Gear With Dildo In His Ass
How embarrassing.
An Alabama minister who died in June of "accidental mechanical asphyxia" was found hogtied and wearing two complete scuba wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report. Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge's death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking).
The local paper didn't mention the dildo they found in his ass.
He used to lead the singing in Chapel and sang "People Need the Lord" all the time and was famous for trying ot get several thousand college kids to settle down by repeating "Young people" over and over again
After three weeks of brutal counseling, I’m proud to say I am now, at long last, a sad gay Republican. Praise Jesus!
Gawd I love Mark Morford.
The Rev. Ted Haggard has been "cured" of his meth-lovin' homosexuality, all from three weeks of intensive therapy by way of a gaggle of ministers who, presumably, beat him with garden hoses and removed a large chunk of his soul with God's own chainsaw all while tattooing his eyeballs with giant pie charts delineating the plummeting profits of the New Life Church, ordering him to declare his love of the vagina immediately lest each of these ministers lose his ability to make his upcoming Lexus payment. And lo, Ted has done it.
His ability to pinpoint the ludicrous, the unspoken but commonly assumed motivations behind these stories, to express the thing we have all been trying to find words for and reveal our absolute repulsion with, using the snide and sarcastic wit that such ridiculous lies are deserving of, .. I'm in awe. Thank the Lord Zeus and all of his invisible friends for Mark Morford.
Why Won’t God Heal Amputees?
From Why Won't God Heal Amputees?
A simple experiment
For this experiment, we need to find a deserving person who has had both of his legs amputated. For example, find a sincere, devout veteran of the Iraqi war, or a person who was involved in a tragic automobile accident.
Now create a prayer circle like the one created for Jeanna Giese. The job of this prayer circle is simple: pray to God to restore the amputated legs of this deserving person. I do not mean to pray for a team of renowned surgeons to somehow graft the legs of a cadaver onto the soldier, nor for a team of renowned scientists to craft mechanical legs for him. Pray that God spontaneously and miraculously restores the soldier's legs overnight, in the same way that God spontaneously and miraculously cured Jeanna Giese and Marilyn Hickey's mother.
If possible, get millions of people all over the planet to join the prayer circle and pray their most fervent prayers. Get millions of people praying in unison for a single miracle for this one deserving amputee. Then stand back and watch.
What is going to happen? Jesus clearly says that if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. He does not say it once -- he says it many times in many ways in the Bible.
* If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. [Matthew 21:21]
* If you ask anything in my name, I will do it. [John 14:14]
* Ask, and it will be given you. [Matthew 7:7]
* Nothing will be impossible to you. [Matthew 17:20]
* Believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. [Mark 11:24]
And yet, even with millions of people praying, nothing will happen.
No matter how many people pray. No matter how sincere those people are. No matter how much they believe. No matter how devout and deserving the recipient. Nothing will happen. The legs will not regenerate. Prayer does not restore the severed limbs of amputees. You can electronically search through all the medical journals ever written -- there is no documented case of an amputated leg being restored spontaneously. And we know that God ignores the prayers of amputees through our own observations of the world around us. If God were answering the prayers of amputees to regenerate their lost limbs, we would be seeing amputated legs growing back every day.
Isn't that odd? The situation becomes even more peculiar when you look at who God is. According to the Standard Model of God:
* God is all-powerful. Therefore, God can do anything, and regenerating a leg is trivial.
* God is perfect, and he created the Bible, which is his perfect book. In the Bible, Jesus makes very specific statements about the power of prayer. Since Jesus is God, and God and the Bible are perfect, those statements should be true and accurate.
* God is all-knowing and all-loving. He certainly knows about the plight of the amputee, and he loves this amputee very much.
* God is ready and willing to answer your prayers no matter how big or small. All that you have to do is believe. He says it in multiple places in the Bible. Surely, with millions of people in the prayer circle, at least one of them will believe and the prayer will be answered.
* God has no reason to discriminate against amputees. If he is answering millions of other prayers like Jeanna's every day, God should be answering the prayers of amputees too.
Nonetheless, the amputated legs are not going to regenerate.
What are we seeing here? It is not that God sometimes answers the prayers of amputees, and sometimes does not. Instead, in this situation there is a very clear line. God never answers the prayers of amputees. It would appear, to an unbiased observer, that God is singling out amputees and purposefully ignoring them.
Concession Email From A “Believer”
Concession Email From Rae Hart Anderson
Sen. Satveer Chaudhary, a practicing Hindu, was re-elected in District 50 last week. Rather than call, his Christian opponent Rae Hart Anderson offered him an email concession that he said read more like a sermon. The following is the text of that email message.
Congratulations on winning the District 50 senate race. Your phone is "busy"...no doubt with good wishes!
I've enjoyed much of this race, especially the people I've met...even you! I see your deficits--not all of them, and your potential--but not all of it. Only your Creator knows the real potential He's put in you. Get to know Him and know yourself...you'll be more interesting even to you!
The race of your life is more important than this one--and it is my sincere wish that you'll get to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. He died for the sins of the world, yours and mine--and especially for those who accept His forgiveness. His kingdom will come and His will be done--on earth as it is in heaven. There's more....I love belonging to the family of God. Jesus is the way, the truth and offers His life to you and each human being. Pay attention...this is very important, Satveer. Have you noticed Jesus for yourself...at some moment in time, yet???
God commends His love to us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8Death came upon all and was defeated by the superiority of Jesus' life and His tomb is empty. God in Christ is reconciling the world back to Himself, with offered forgiveness--this is one choice we get to make nose to nose with the living God--fear Him and you need fear no other. Become His family and know the love of God that passes knowledge. See Isaiah and the Gospel of John...good reading while waiting for fishes to bite.
God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
John 3:17Jesus Christ lives in His earth family by His Spirit. He said He'd be back, and He said it first. You could invite Him to make the race of your life 'eternal'. God waits to be gracious to each person that knows they need to be forgiven. Do you? I think you do. Just ask. Christ won eternal life for you and said so. Take Him at His Word. Take some time to get acquainted with this power-filled Jesus...God with us. You could be a temple of the living God, by invitation---yours, TO GOD.
There's nothing like belonging to Christ...not winning, not money, not degrees...it's the best.
Good wishes and better wishes...until you wish for the best!
Rae Hart Anderson
Don't you wish you had an invisible, omni-powerful friend? Jesus Christ can be your invisible, omni-powerful friend too. All you have to do is believe in him.
hmm, oh well. who needs an invisible, omni-powerful friend anyway.
The Teachings Of Jesus at The Brick Testament
The Brick Testament has some new illustrations on the teachings of Jesus. They crack me up. My favorite: On Love, On the Laws of Moses and, starting our president, On Forgiveness.
Jews No Longer God’s Chosen People
I just wanted to let you all know that God came to me in a vision last night and told me that Jews are no longer His chosen people.
It has been over 2000 years since He last spoke to us, so He said the time had come for some revisions. The "Eternal Deed on the Holy Land" now includes everyone, not just the Jews (except of course first-generation Ammonite's or Moabite's). He still loves the Jews just as much as everyone, but He said He was really just joking around about the "chosen people" bit. People shouldn't take him so literally, He likes to joke around (dinasour fossils anyone?).
He asked me to let everyone know. He said that once people learn of this, the world will be a much more peaceful place, so let's spread the word as quickly as we can.
And, as you all know, He can't really enforce these things Himself so He again relies on us all to enforce His commands and deal a quick death to anyone who disobeys. Hell is waiting.
In This Study, Prayers Aren’t The Answer
Margaret sent this to me. Interesting. Although I've also read research that claims to have found just the opposite. (Although I can't find it now...)
By Jeremy Manier
Tribune staff reporter
March 31, 2006
Praying for a sick cardiac patient may feel right to people of faith, but it doesn't appear to improve the patient's health, according to a new study that is the largest ever done on the healing powers of prayer.
In fact, the researchers from Harvard Medical School and five other U.S. medical centers found--to their bewilderment--that coronary bypass patients who knew strangers were praying for them fared significantly worse than people who got no prayers. The team speculated that telling the patients about the prayers may have caused "performance anxiety," or perhaps a fear that doctors expected the worst.
"Obviously, my colleagues were surprised by the unexpected and counterintuitive outcome," said Rev. Dean Marek, director of chaplain services at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and a co-investigator for the project.
It was a strange end for the mammoth prayer study, which cost $2.4 million and enrolled 1,802 patients who had bypass surgery. The majority of funding came from the British-based John Templeton Foundation, which supports research at the intersection of science and religion.
President Jonah
Gore Vidal has another great post on Bush that you should read. He also pointed out some more disturbing statistics.
Meanwhile, the indoctrination of the people merrily continues. “In a ‘State of the First Amendment Survey’ conducted by the University of Connecticut in 2003, 34 percent of Americans polled said the First Amendment ‘goes too far’; 46 percent said there was too much freedom of the press; 28 percent felt that newspapers should not be able to publish articles without prior approval of the government; 31 percent wanted public protest of a war to be outlawed during that war; and 50 percent thought the government should have the right to infringe on the religious freedom of ‘certain religious groups’ in the name of the war on terror.”
Fifty-nine percent of Americans believe that John’s apocalyptic prophecies in the Book of Revelation will be fulfilled, and nearly all of these believe that the faithful will be taken up into heaven in the ‘Rapture.’
Here’s The Actual Muhammad Cartoon
You'd think a cartoon that has gotten so much attention would be a little easier to find on the internet. I guess the protests are working. Anyway, so here one of them, seems there where 12?
Pretty damn offensive, huh? Completely baffling to me. Am I not the only one that looks at the cartoon and says, you have GOT to be kidding. That's it? I was expecting Jesus having his way with Muhammad's ass, or Jesus, Moses and Muhammad in a circle jerk or something (yes, telling isn't it).
Now in "retaliation" an Iranian newspaper has started a contest for the most offensive cartoon about the holocaust? Huh? What does that have to do with the Danes and Muhammad? Are the Danes Jewish? I don't get it.
"The Western papers printed these sacrilegious cartoons on the pretext of freedom of expression, so let's see if they mean what they say and also print these Holocaust cartoons"
How are cartoons making fun of genocide motivated by racism in any way sacrilegious? Seems to just illustrate their racism to me. But whatever, bring it. Yea, lets start a fight over who can be more offensive, cause I know we'd win that one. I will start working on my version now, I can picture it already and it's amazingly offensive. Shit, you thought that was offensive... you're gonna blow up the world when you see mine.
This from the New York Times, At Mecca Meeting, Cartoon Outrage Crystalized:
The closing communique took note of the issue when it expressed "concern at rising hatred against Islam and Muslims and condemned the recent incident of desecration of the image of the Holy Prophet Muhammad in the media of certain countries" as well as over "using the freedom of expression as a pretext to defame religions."
Umm, well in my mind that's one of the main reasons for freedom of expression, defaming religions. But anyway, so to express their concern at the rising hatred against Islam and Muslims, they start the Danish embassy on fire? Umm..., so people liking you better now? Guess you showed them to think you were all just crazed lunatics.
The leader of Lebanon's governing Hezbollah faction observed that the whole episode could have been avoided if only the novelist Salman Rushdie had been properly slaughtered for writing "The Satanic Verses." Too bad he's not running the world, huh? I guess it can get worse than Bush as president and a congress-full of yellow Democrats. Bush should exploit that angle to improve his ratings.
